my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
