I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm passing your future prison.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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