I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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