I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
