I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
