I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize