Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
