When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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