Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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