Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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