Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
