I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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