Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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