Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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