We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
