All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
