My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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