Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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