Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
