She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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