I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
