I got chris browned last night
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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