Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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