Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I love having hate sex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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