I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
