the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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