Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
