Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
we're so committed to being not committed
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