We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
