i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
