I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize