You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
