John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm having to shit out rocks
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
