How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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