those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
