Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize