he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
