Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
