They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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