why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Your penis caused this!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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