Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
