Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
