I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Small penises have feelings too.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize