True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
