You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
