Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
