friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
