eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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