wakey wakey hands off snakey
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
