Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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