the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
