i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize