She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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