Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
