I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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