I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
