I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
