Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize