Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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