his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
