My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
